Against "Children's Church"
Back to the old ways
Over the weekend, X user Luke Simmons stirred up some controversy with the following take about a church he attended:
Visited a healthy church in another state today…
While it was sweet to see some families worshipping together, I was grieved by how distracted parents were by their small children.
In my view, everyone would have been better served by utilizing the kids ministry.
Weird thing to be grieved by, but apparently it caused him emotional distress to see parents having to train their children in worship. This take brought about a good deal of debate about the validity of children’s church, including takes on both sides on a post I made about the matter.
So, I figured I’d briefly lay out the case:
Here’s why children’s church should be abolished
1. We have Biblical and historical precedent
In Joshua 8:34-35, Joshua “read all the words of the law, the blessing and the curse, according to all that is written in the book of the law. There was not a word of all that Moses had commanded which Joshua did not read before all the assembly of Israel with the women and the little ones and the strangers who were living among them” (NASB1995).
Everybody was there, including the little ones. Outside. For the entire reading of every word that Moses had commanded. If they can manage that, why can’t we get kids through a 25 minute sermon on a padded seat in an air conditioned building?
You think those parents weren’t distracted? You think those kids didn’t have difficulty making it through? They did it because it was important.
In the New Testament, Paul twice addressed children as though they would be present at the reading of his epistles (Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20). There is no indication anywhere that children were sent away. In fact, the one time the disciples tried to send the little children away, Jesus welcomed the children and corrected His disciples (Matthew 19:13-14).
In other words, Jesus says “Let the little children come to me,” while children’s church says “Let the little children go to an age-appropriate room while the adults worship.”
Additionally, children weren’t segregated out by age for Bible class until the 1800s, and the idea of sending them out during worship didn’t become popular until the 1960s or 70s.
We act like it just can’t be done and that it’s just such a heavy burden when it has been done the world around for literally thousands of years.
2. Kids need to watch their parents worship
In Deuteronomy 6, fathers and grandfathers are told how to raise up Godly families. It starts with loving God, and it continues with teaching them diligently day in and day out, with every opportunity you get (6:5-9).
Then, as we keep God’s commandments, it gives an opportunity for the children to ask why we do what we do (6:17-20), at which point we can tell them about God and what He’s done for us and why we obey Him (6:21-25).
Notice, that can’t happen if they aren’t there to see it. I can’t tell you how many times one of my kids has excitedly gotten my attention when the preacher mentioned a Bible name or account they know about. Other times, they ask about what’s going on, and I get the chance to tell them more about it later. Those things wouldn’t happen if they were in an “age-appropriate class.”
3. Kids need to learn not everything is about them
We’re at the point where every minute of every day can offer kids a targeted option to keep their attention. Everywhere you go you see little ones walking around with their faces glued to screens. They go home and get Paw Patrol branded snacks and play with their toys and watch their shows and have a life completely catered to them. Then they go to worship and get a worship time catered to them, too.
One of the reasons they need to be in worship is to learn what we adults need to remind ourselves, too: sometimes we need to put down the entertainment and distractions and give God the praise and attention that He is due.
Giving them a children’s church catered to them, so mom and dad can have a church experience catered to them, just furthers the problem of consumer Christianity. Learning that church is for God and not for us is something that needs to start early.
4. Kids can be trained—and parents can, too
Believe me, I know how much kids can be a distraction. I probably haven’t heard a full sermon straight through in years at this point, but it gets better as they get older. Because Allison and I work with them.
And as we train them, it trains us, too. It takes discipline for ourselves to stop the whispering, to not let them wander back and forth down the pew, to make sure they’re not distracting other people, and so forth.
It would be easy for them and for us to just send them away. But that’s trading long term habit building for short term convenience. I know how much our society likes doing that, but deep down everybody knows how unhealthy that is. It’s good for us to work toward things that are important, even if it’s difficult in the moment.
We’ve badly overthought this
The funny thing is, just a few months ago a church went viral encouraging parents to bring their “loud kids” to worship. Tens of thousands of people shared the supposedly pro-kid message about the blessing of the noise of children.
In this discussion, we have people arguing that the kids should be brought to the building and then sent away.
What if we found a middle ground in which we agreed on the blessing of having children in the church and acknowledged they will not always be perfectly quiet, yet still didn’t give them a pass to scream and run around?
Can that be done?
It sure seems like it should be possible. We know it was possible for a long time. Maybe we should stop telling ourselves it isn’t.
It is good for kids to sit through worship, and it’s good for parents to put in the time to train them. This is just another way in which we pretend that expecting nothing from anybody is the loving option. A lowered bar isn’t loving, it’s insulting.
Go in with a plan, keep the kids in worship, teach them how to make it through, expect them to be capable of learning, and have faith that God will bless the effort.
Notes
For more, check out my article on America’s Kid Problem
Think Deeper Podcast this week asks, “Should Churches Acknowledge America 250?”
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I completely agree with everything you said!!! Many, many parents have traded teaching and training for appeasing and entertaining while worshipping God. It is detrimental for the children, and I believe, it’s one of the reasons we are losing a lot of them when they reach adulthood. Unfortunately, our congregation has “children’s church “ and it takes not only a majority of the children out, but a lot of adults and teenagers too.
We raised 3 children and had family devotionals at home where they learned about how to be respectful and participate in worship, talked each time we were heading to the church building that we were going to worship God, and all they took inside were their own Bibles. No toys, no snacks. Expectations have changed dramatically! Even the families that don’t participate in “children’s church “ bring backpacks full of activities to keep the children occupied. It grieves me because all they are learning when they go to worship, is it’s another place to play (just “quietly “).
This is all about discipline and instruction. If children are given those two things in conjunction with sitting in a pew then all the better. Most of the time, what I see is, the coloring books, the snacks, etc. broken out to manage the situation. I'm not familiar with children's church. It would be interesting if there was an option for room with a window into the auditorium for children to observe and be taught about worship. Parents should have the option to use these to help.if needed. All children are not created with the same temperament. I feel for a family with three small children where I recently attended. The wife spent many trips up and down the isle with them. But they can also provide some humor at times. One child at a congregation that I used to attend was on his 2nd trip down the isle for some behavioral correction. Not going willingly and knowing what to expect outside, he desperately called out in a loud voice " Help me...Church" Still cracks me up to this day.