On "Loud Kids In Church"

A Solvable Problem

Over the last few days, this post from some congregation called “Mt. Washington Church” went viral, and as this touches on one of my pet subjects—church, and how we view outsiders—I have thoughts.

The Valid Point

It is a blessing and a joy to have children in the church building. It’s a sign that a congregation has a future, and if we’re thinking beyond ourselves at all, that will excite us.

And, as someone one who finds “Children’s church” to be a deplorable practice, I concede that if we’re going to have kids in the worship service, it is not going to be a noise-free experience. Babies cry. Toddlers get tired and throw tantrums. Even older kids can get fidgety or start talking too much.

Those things are going to happen, and if every little peep gets a dirty look, young parents are going to get discouraged pretty quickly. We should especially give grace to visitors and new Christians as they’re “learning on the job,” so to speak. No newcomer should be nervous about bringing their kid to worship.

On the other hand…

Yes, if kids are going to be in the room, they will probably be loud. They can’t learn how to behave in worship if they aren’t there, it’s true. But if they ARE there, they need to learn.

That’s what this post misses. It doesn’t say “we’ll work with you to train them.” It says they’re not a distraction, implying that we will sacrifice all else just to make sure a noisy kids’ parents keep showing up.

Quietness and sitting still do not come naturally to kids, so they have to learn. And learning these things takes months and months and months of reenforcement. In an ideal church culture, the younger women would seek out the older women who have been there and done that. The older women might even sit with the family to help out.

Instead, people get offended at the suggestion that their kid isn’t allowed to scream through the sermon. To counter this, somebody decides we have to tell them that their loud kid is welcome.

What a weird false dichotomy: either your kid gets to interfere with everyone’s attempt to worship God, or you don’t come at all.

As my wife has sat with 4 small children numerous times while I was up in the pulpit, believe me, we know how difficult it can be. Even when I was not preaching, there have been plenty of Sundays when one or both of us felt like we heard virtually nothing and could barely keep up with the songs while we were correcting behavior and comforting infants.

If we had just let the kids go wild, we still wouldn’t have been able to worship properly, either. If we threw up our hands and decided to stay home, guess what? We still wouldn’t have been able to worship properly. Neither of those are good options. You go, you train through the season of life, and God blesses the effort.

It’s about serving others

You bring your kids because you know you need to worship God, yes, but also because 1) it’s best for them (see Deuteronomy 6) and 2) we are members of one another, called to assemble and consider how to build each other up (Hebrews 10:23-25).

Considering others includes not interfering with their worship, and it’s strange that a church would tell people they don’t need to think about that. They can say that it’s not a distraction, but everybody who’s been in church for more than a couple of months knows that uncontrolled, loud kids can absolutely be a distraction.

Yes, I know the post was written to visitors, but it sets up either a bait-and-switch, where eventually the kid’s behavior would have to be addressed even though they promised it wouldn’t be, or it preempts the church’s ability to say anything whatsoever. There are much better ways to say it than “We want loud kids.”

When preaching, I’ve had to try to compete with the screaming kid who the parents wouldn’t take out, and I can tell you that nobody in the room heard a word I said for the duration of the uproar.

To be clear, I’m not talking about a 15 second distraction as someone took the child to the back. I’m talking about a constant ruckus throughout the sermon. Yes, that loud kid and his parents were welcome. But it was inconsiderate of the parents to allow such behavior to go on.

What’s the solution?

Once again, it’s good to tell people they are welcome even with little kids who are prone to make some noise. And no, we shouldn’t shoot them dirty looks or berate them when kids do what kids do.

But neither should a church just let it happen without any guidance. A message like this viral one tells people that your attendance matters, and we won’t expect anything of you once you’re in the building.

Worship might not be done “decently and in order,” and perhaps nobody will ever be able to pay attention to the sermon again. But the important thing is that we all now know how much nicer this church is than everybody else.

Are we trying to help shape people and households into Christlikeness, or not?

Treating them like customers, and living by “the customer is always right” makes it impossible to do so.

So yes, let it be known that we want kids around, and we know that’s going to raise the volume a bit. But don’t act like we have to choose between a silent, dead, older church, or a free-for-all with no parental expectations.

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