"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do..."
Pretty good idea where forgiveness takes place, and when. Whether or not the perpetrators came and repented or not: Forgiveness is MY task.
Paul's "heaping coals of fire upon their head..." is, again, a description of MY responsibility to forgive.
Difficult, I am well aware of that - by personal experience.
Years ago, Jack Exum (Sr) wrote an article about the cost of the unwillingness to forgive. It causes more misery for the one unwilling to forgive than for the one needed forgiven...
People confuse two things: Forgiving, and deciding to not be bitter or hateful. The latter damages the bitter person more than it damages the wrongdoer.
Note that being bitter and harming oneself as a result is not possible for God. God might not have forgiven the unrepentant sinner, but God is not losing any sleep over it, so to speak. By deciding not to be bitter, we are deciding not to do something that is uniquely human, non-Godlike, i.e. ungodly, and harmful.
Deciding to "forgive" the unrepentant is also non-Godlike. Can we be better than God?
Separating true forgiveness from a mere abstinence from bitterness is the key.
Beloved Jesus reminds us; “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
I have struggled personally with this issue over the past 7 years. My daughter and son-in-law basically withdrew from us. Made demands that we had to change to please them. Son-in-law even threatened to beat me up. A serious sin according to Bible. Long story. We have tried to work out a Matthew 18 arrangement with mature Christian mediators. They won't even come to the table.
My problem has been trying to force repentance or confession on their side. This has not gone well, and has caused me to use angry words.
I simply want a restored relationship. Would be ready to forgive if there was any movement from them that way. But in actually helping to resolve and bring reconciliation, pushing does not seem to work at all. So I have given this to God to bring about reconciliation in His merciful way. I have forgiven them to the point that if I did see them, I would say I forgive you and do my best to have a normal relationship with them.
Forgiveness is a major issue and just wanted to thank you for your very thoughtful article.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.
"If by “forgive” one means “clear them of all wrongdoing,” then no, we should not attempt to do that. On the other hand, if we mean “forgive” as “extend an offer of reconciliation,” then we should absolutely forgive."
I love this... well put, Jack!
At the same time, I would suggest that forgiving the unrepentant carries another facet. In 2 Corinthians 5 we learn that God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, not counting men's sins against them... and that One died for all, therefore all died. It's my understanding that our sins have been paid for and forgiven by Jesus taking our place, paying our penalty.
As we see in that passage, that doesn't mean everyone has been reconciled. God's offer of reconciliation has been extended, but each person must choose to reconcile themselves to Him... otherwise God's grace in offering salvation will be in vain. As I understand it, God does not wait for us to reconcile before He forgives... I'd say He forgave already.
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do..."
Pretty good idea where forgiveness takes place, and when. Whether or not the perpetrators came and repented or not: Forgiveness is MY task.
Paul's "heaping coals of fire upon their head..." is, again, a description of MY responsibility to forgive.
Difficult, I am well aware of that - by personal experience.
Years ago, Jack Exum (Sr) wrote an article about the cost of the unwillingness to forgive. It causes more misery for the one unwilling to forgive than for the one needed forgiven...
People confuse two things: Forgiving, and deciding to not be bitter or hateful. The latter damages the bitter person more than it damages the wrongdoer.
Note that being bitter and harming oneself as a result is not possible for God. God might not have forgiven the unrepentant sinner, but God is not losing any sleep over it, so to speak. By deciding not to be bitter, we are deciding not to do something that is uniquely human, non-Godlike, i.e. ungodly, and harmful.
Deciding to "forgive" the unrepentant is also non-Godlike. Can we be better than God?
Separating true forgiveness from a mere abstinence from bitterness is the key.
Misunderstanding and mis-defining "forgive" seems to be the big issue. I think Guy N. Woods gave an excellent answer much like your own. See http://www.christianresearcher.com/articles/guy-n-woods-new-doctrine-of-forgiveness
Beloved Jesus reminds us; “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15
I have struggled personally with this issue over the past 7 years. My daughter and son-in-law basically withdrew from us. Made demands that we had to change to please them. Son-in-law even threatened to beat me up. A serious sin according to Bible. Long story. We have tried to work out a Matthew 18 arrangement with mature Christian mediators. They won't even come to the table.
My problem has been trying to force repentance or confession on their side. This has not gone well, and has caused me to use angry words.
I simply want a restored relationship. Would be ready to forgive if there was any movement from them that way. But in actually helping to resolve and bring reconciliation, pushing does not seem to work at all. So I have given this to God to bring about reconciliation in His merciful way. I have forgiven them to the point that if I did see them, I would say I forgive you and do my best to have a normal relationship with them.
Forgiveness is a major issue and just wanted to thank you for your very thoughtful article.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.
"If by “forgive” one means “clear them of all wrongdoing,” then no, we should not attempt to do that. On the other hand, if we mean “forgive” as “extend an offer of reconciliation,” then we should absolutely forgive."
I love this... well put, Jack!
At the same time, I would suggest that forgiving the unrepentant carries another facet. In 2 Corinthians 5 we learn that God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, not counting men's sins against them... and that One died for all, therefore all died. It's my understanding that our sins have been paid for and forgiven by Jesus taking our place, paying our penalty.
As we see in that passage, that doesn't mean everyone has been reconciled. God's offer of reconciliation has been extended, but each person must choose to reconcile themselves to Him... otherwise God's grace in offering salvation will be in vain. As I understand it, God does not wait for us to reconcile before He forgives... I'd say He forgave already.
That's my $0.02. I'd love to hear what you think!