Pop psychology and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.
As we as a society have grown more self-aware about our mental health and the industry terms have entered the cultural vocabulary, there is no mechanism for preventing the potent concepts from being misused.
Suddenly everyone is an expert, throwing out diagnoses and analysis with a sense of authority because of the weight the terms carry.
In 2016, psychologist Nick Haslam put a finger on the problem by coining the term “concept creep.”
Wikipedia summarizes the idea as “the process by which harm-related topics experience semantic expansion to include topics which would not have originally been envisaged to be included under that label.”
To give an example, “trauma” originally had a useful meaning. Now it has come to mean “anything bad that ever happened to someone.” Similar terms like abuse, narcissism, gaslighting, and toxic have undergone the same kind of expansion.
The appeal is obvious: if I can label someone with a therapy-coded term, it’s a scientific diagnosis that can’t be argued against.
If I tell myself you’re being mean, maybe I can give you a little grace and assume you’re having a bad day. If I tell myself you’re an abusive gaslighter, I have no obligation to you and you have no opportunity to redeem yourself. You’re just irredeemably evil and I have no obligation to treat you with love.
It also works the other direction, where we can give ourselves a pass by laying blame due us onto the therapy dictionary.
The two create an incredibly convenient blend of taking zero responsibility for ourselves and feeling no sense of duty to anybody else.
If I act poorly, it’s because of my trauma. If you act poorly, it’s because you’re a toxic narcissist.
Then you add the third ingredient: boundaries.
The idea of boundaries is a necessary one, as some people will not stop taking from you or encroaching upon your life until you tell them otherwise. As Cloud and Townsend (the doctors who coined the term for therapeutic use) point out, even God sets boundaries in His relationships, so it clearly is good and proper—within reason.
But boundaries are another victim of concept creep, as millions of people have taken “boundaries” as a pass to not make any effort or do any forgiving in their relationships. “One strike, and you’re done. Gotta have boundaries!”
Lest we feel any guilt over drawing a boundary too far afield, we fall back on all the concept creep therapyworld labels to assure ourselves it’s ok.
“My parents are toxic.”
“My spouse is a narcissist.”
“That preacher is abusive.”
Again, sometimes these accusations are accurate on some level. But, thanks to concept creep, the terms are useless. Without specifics, who knows if it’s a legitimate claim or an exaggeration or fabrication being weaponized to avoid personal responsibility?
Marriages march all the way to divorce court with one or both spouses feeling perfectly justified because they could recite all the therapeutic terms that showed why they were 100% in the right and their spouse was [insert whatever combo of diagnostic labels it took to help them feel justified].
People destroy friendships and treat others like human garbage with the approval of their own DSM-coded consciences.
Family members have been completely cut off because someone’s “boundaries” meant attempts at reconciliation were a bridge too far.
Where is Christian duty in all of this?
Before we use these terms, shouldn’t we check with the Word as to what God requires of us toward our friends, family, church family, and even enemies?
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” (Colossians 3:12-13)
“[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7
Truth be told, somebody may well be, say, a narcissist. I may need to set proper boundaries so I don’t allow him to get away with things that will harm both of us. But if I place him in the “narcissist” box and never see him otherwise, I will fail every “one another” command God ever gave me.
Shouldn’t we do unto others as we would have them do unto us (Matthew 7:12)?
Lest that still sound too difficult, there’s one more question that must be asked:
Aren’t you glad Jesus didn’t label you “toxic?”
Aren’t you glad He modeled the commands He gave us: “Bear with one another,” “Forgive one another,” “Tolerate one another,” “bear one another’s burdens?”
None of us would stand a chance if our God dealt with relationships the way weaponized therapy-speak tells us to. We want grace and mercy. We had better be prepared to give them.
As for the therapy world, the tools we use can make our lives better, but we must never let them supersede our duty to God.
Hit the brakes before the next time you throw out a weaponized therapy term at somebody, and ask yourself what your real goal is—to score a point, or to please God and love the people He’s put in front of you?
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Notes
This week’s Think Deeper Podcast episode is on track to become our most-viewed of all time! Join us and guest Jacob Hudgins for a friendly discussion on the Non-Institutional churches of Christ
