When to Leave a Church

A Difficult Consideration

One of the most common questions I get is the question of when a member should leave a church. It’s a challenging, emotion-filled decision with weighty spiritual stakes, and I appreciate that Christians want to take it seriously before making such a move.

During the New Testament, switching congregations did not seem to be an option, so we don’t really have any direct teaching on the matter.

The Corinthians were a mess, but Paul didn’t tell anyone to leave or go start another church. There were serious problems among some of the seven churches of Asia in Revelation 2-3, but even in those congregations there were members who were commended and told to stand firm.

However, the growth of the church over the last 2,000 years has created options they might not have had.

Though having multiple church options is a luxury that’s becoming isolated to big cities and the Bible Belt, it is a luxury many of us have and therefore have to consider. And, like many luxuries, it can be a blessing in some cases and a curse in others.

When the congregation drifts farther from the Word with each passing year, it’s a blessing to have other options. Sometimes the presence of other options could even incentivize a church to check themselves lest they lose their membership to a more Biblically grounded church.

On the other hand, multiple church options can accommodate the practice of church hopping, a staple of consumer Christianity. The impetus to stay, take a stand, and work through challenges in a way that might help keep a congregation on the straight and narrow can be an afterthought when there’s an upgrade sitting there waiting.

And, like divorcing, church switching can become easier to do after you’ve opened that door the first time. A spirit of discontentment can arise, creating a trail of 5-6 churches attended over a decade or two.

So, how do we know when it’s time to go?

Though leaving a church isn’t directly addressed in Scripture, some Biblical principles still provide useful guidelines.

A few considerations before deciding to stay or go:

Do lots of praying

This should be an obvious starting point, but a reminder never hurts. Pray for your congregation, pray for clarity on what to do, pray for a future landing spot, and pray for the relationships that may be damaged by a move.

Do your part

“I’m not being fed” is a common complaint, and sometimes it’s fair. But make sure you’re feeding yourself and your home by study, prayer, and family devos the rest of the week. “Nobody wants to do anything” is another complaint that comes up. Be sure you’ve put in the effort first before throwing in the towel. Go to “serve, rather than be served” (Mark 10:45). Maybe if you get the ball rolling, people will join in. Or, maybe they’ll stonewall you. Make sure to find out for sure before leaving, if that’s your reason.

Don’t tolerate false teaching

By false teaching, I mean actual false teaching—not Romans 14 quibbles or third-rate doctrines. If the leaders introduce their newly hired woman preacher, or drastically change worship styles, or the preacher tells you Genesis isn’t real or takes some other shot at Biblical inerrancy, it’s time to take action.

However, if it’s gotten to that point, that they’ll openly teach falsehoods, there has probably been a long, traceable trajectory in that direction. With that in mind…

Make sure a trajectory is actually a trajectory

Unless it’s a major departure as noted above, not every suspect teaching or choice marks a trajectory away from the truth. Just because the church added a PowerPoint hymnal, it doesn’t mean they’re headed off the rails, to borrow an old stereotype.

However, if a consistent pattern of questionable teachings crops up, it’s time to have a conversation. If the church begins downplaying its doctrinal distinctives, or inserts Critical Theory into every interpretation (see our Think Deeper episode for more), or hints at doubting Biblical inspiration or inerrancy, it’s not wrong to notice. In fact, it’s your duty to double check like the Bereans (Acts 17:11).

They may disavow and show that it’s a misunderstanding, and in that case, give them the benefit of the doubt (1 Corinthians 13:7). They may heed your correction, as Apollos (Acts 18). They may double down, in which case it’s probably time to leave. Or, if they are starting to drift, they may play it coy and refuse to commit either way. That should sound a warning bell in your head, at the least.

Trajectories take time to chart, though. Be patient. Give credit when the trajectory changes direction for the better in some way.

Family first

What if the sermons or Bible classes are regularly pushing ideas that are questionable at best? Or, what if there’s nothing doctrinally wrong—they’re just dead? What if there is no activity, no depth of teaching, no interest in fellowship… nothing? What is a man’s obligation to his family in that situation, relative to his obligation to the church?

It’s the husband and father’s job to build up his home in the Word (Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 6:4). Yes, we should aim to be loyal to our church family. But if a man feels a church setting is detrimental to his family’s spiritual well-being, caring for them must be his first priority.

Be careful with this one. Make sure it doesn’t turn into “asking what your church can do for you, rather than what you can do for your church.” Again, do your part. But if you’re doing that and keep running into a wall, the family’s spiritual wellbeing does come into consideration.

Be a peacemaker

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18).

If a person packs up and leaves because they weren’t willing to forgive or offer a needed second chance, they’ve made the wrong choice. We are commanded to forgive one another, tolerate one another, and bear with one another. It’s not always going to be easy to preserve relationships, and driving down the road can look far more appealing than handling an emotional conflict. God insists we do everything in our power to make it work.

Still, sometimes it doesn’t depend on you. Paul and Barnabas parted ways over John Mark, and yet all three continued to work in God’s kingdom (Acts 15:36-41). Paul even endorsed John Mark later on (2 Timothy 4:11). If you have to move on, do it on as good of terms as you can, and don’t shy away from opportunities to patch up any hurt feelings down the road.

Don’t cause a scene, but don’t leave silently, either

There is no need for the situation to get ugly. With the Bible’s heavy emphasis on unity, it’s a frightful thing to be the kind of person who leaves a church and tries to cause division and partisanship on the way out.

At the same time, if there are major concerns regarding the direction of the congregation—whether away from truth or into spiritual complacency—those concerns should be expressed out of love for the truth, the leadership, and those who remain.

Don’t flee correction

Possibly the worst reason to leave one congregation for another is to get out of the spotlight of correction or discipline. Having one’s toes stepped on by a sermon is a blessing. Having an elder who cares enough about you to question you when your walk with God is as stake is a tremendous blessing. Stay with the kind of people who love you enough to hurt your feelings when you need it.

Know where you’re going

The grass isn’t always greener, especially if you haven’t even looked at it. Fortunately, in the age of the internet, it’s easy to explore all the options. Make sure you’re not trading one set of problems for another. Sure, every group of humans will have shortcomings. But it’s too easy to start the church-hopping cycle if you can’t plant yourself at the next place.

The bottom line

Ideally, we can all stay serving and worshiping right where we are for the rest of our days. But I recognize that real life isn’t always in line with what we see as ideal. So pray often, be patient, consider what would be pleasing to God, and make the best decision you can.

---

Notes

Enjoying these articles, along with my podcasts Think Deeper and Church Reset? Consider becoming a supporting subscriber!

Once you do, be sure to grab your 4 eBooks included as a thank you!