As I continue my series on headship and submission, it’s important for us to take note of words, attitudes, and behaviors that can undermine the entire system. We’ve looked at plenty of those from the women’s side of the ledger, because that’s where the majority of the problem lies in our day.
However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a ditch on the other side of the road. We looked at one such pitfall when I wrote on how a lack of personal virtue will hurt a man’s authority. This time I want to look at another way men can upend the Biblical hierarchy God gave us for the home.
If a man won’t submit when the Bible tells him to submit, he shouldn’t be surprised if his wife follows his example.
Literally every human on the planet has a Biblical mandate to submit to someone. Between elected officials, employers, and church leaders, most of us have multiple people over us in various ways.
Unfortunately, some Christian men have decided they either don’t need, or don’t respect, any of the authorities placed over them.
If you’re always walking around the house tearing down the people over you as incompetent and not worthy of your submission, you can expect your wife and kids to follow in your footsteps.
Since these relationships have obvious differences, and the husband-wife relationship is the closest of them all, the applications are not going to be the same in every instance. But certain principles apply across the board.
In these relationships, there is a time to reject the authority and not submit when there is overreach or the authority demands sinful behavior.
That’s true for citizens, church members, wives, and children—in other words, in all of the hierarchical relationships God has given us.
When government says you can’t go to church because there’s a new flu going around, you don’t have to submit. When an eldership says you have to give them full audit of your finances to make sure you’re giving enough, you don’t have to submit. When a husband tells you to help him cover up embezzlement, you don’t have to submit.
However, in each of these we are still to give honor to those over us as far as possible.
We can disagree with an elected official and want them removed, but we don’t get to do the “not my President” or “Let’s Go Brandon” or “86-47” thing. We can disapprove of how the boss at work runs his department, but running him down all the time is a bad look. And, we can be frustrated with decisions our elders make at church, but that doesn’t mean we get to go home every Sunday and talk about how terrible they are, or work behind the scenes to circumvent and undermine their authority.
Take, for example, the man who ends up hopping from congregation to congregation since he won’t come under anybody else’s headship. Even though he isn’t an elder, and no one would think to make him one, he has decided that no group of elders is worthy of his submission.
Hebrews 13:17 tells him, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.”
It’s easy to say “I’d happily submit to them, if they just did their job right!” And there’s the problem. That’s exactly the kind of responsibility dodging and blame shifting we are not going to allow women in the marriage relationship. So we don’t get to take that pass, either.
Why would a man disrespect every authority in his life, and insist he only has to follow them when he agrees with them, and then be shocked when his wife views his headship the same way?
Now, mind you, even if a man is this insubordinate, it’s not a pass for his wife to respond in kind. She is still accountable for following the commands to submit to and respect her husband.
But why shouldn’t he embody the kind of joyful, team player, respectful attitude he’d like her to have in the home?
If you want your wife to appreciate your authority in the home, and give you grace even when you don’t get it 100% right, set the example by doing the same for your leaders.
There’s a difference between loving hierarchy because God established it, and loving hierarchy because it puts us in charge. A good, Godly man respects and appreciates all of God’s hierarchies, even when it means he has to follow.
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Notes
I just cleared 500 subscribers over on YouTube, and I’d like to keep on climbing toward 1,000. If you’re not following me there, please be sure to subscribe!
The Men’s Excellence Workshop is starting to take shape. I’m hoping to share a registration link in early October for a Spring 2027 gathering. You can find info and fill out the form to be notified at www.excellentmen.work
Think Deeper Podcast this week was a fun one, as Marco Arroyo and I made our case against Roman Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy.