The #1 Pitfall for Christian Homeschoolers

One reason why it doesn't always "work"

I’ve long been an advocate for homeschooling as the church and home’s single best tool to stand firm against a decaying culture. If Christian families have children and raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (read: if they don’t hand their kids to be molded by people who don’t share their beliefs), the future can be bright.

However, occasionally some will speak of it almost as if it’s a silver bullet for producing faithful children, and that has not proven to be accurate. Plenty of children are educated at home and end up leaving the faith—some of them in rather extreme, visible ways.

So, while home education is a powerful tool, it is not an end in itself. It is a means which can help reach the intended end, which is to produce Christ-loving, knowledgeable, proficient children. It’s a hands-on approach to training up a child in the way they should go, so when they are old they will not depart from it.

Therefore, the means have to be executed properly, and that’s where things can go wrong. Having been in the scene for almost 30 years, one mistake stands above the rest as a challenge from day one on any family’s homeschooling journey. And, as my family embarks on this journey ourselves, it certainly has my attention as something I can’t let happen.

Perhaps the #1 pitfall Christian homeschoolers have to avoid: a detached approach from the fathers.

I’ve had the privilege of meeting women who were involved in either the legalization or the early spread of homeschooling in their home states, and they were true Proverbs 31 women. They were tireless women of vision who loved their families and worked hard for their good, and many other mothers followed the trails those women blazed. While a number of good men were involved, the movement has long been a passion project of caring mothers.

Family by family, though, the potential for the home to produce not just church-attending adults but involved, difference-making Christians rises or falls largely based on the father’s involvement.

In Ephesians 6:4 it is the father’s job to bring up his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and not provoke them to wrath. In Proverbs we see the involvement of the father as he passes wisdom on to his son. And, of course, in Deuteronomy 6, men are given first responsibility of directing the family in the ways of the Lord and passing the faith to the next generation.

Of course, in a homeschool setting, the mom will be most hands-on as the dad’s time will be occupied with providing the financial means necessary for her to stay home with the children.

That being the case, he needs to be plugged in to the project in a few pivotal, big-picture ways.

1. He needs to believe in the goodness of the cause

If mom looks at the world around her, sees it as a threat to her kids, and decides she wants to educate the kids at home while dad is either ambivalent or can’t understand why they have to sacrifice so much when it really isn’t that big of a difference, both the home and school are going to struggle. If she genuinely believes she’s following God the best way she knows how and he rolls his eyes, it will be a wedge in their marriage, and the kids will follow dad’s lead by not caring and not wanting to be doing it.

2. He needs to care at least as much as she does

He might believe in the goodness of the cause but still be entirely willing to put it all in her hands and effectively say “Good luck, honey!”

Again, he can’t be involved on a micro, day-to-day level the way she will be, but he needs to be invested. He needs to be willing to talk to her about curricula, listen to her problems and frustrations, take the lead on making sure the kids are handling their work and cultivating positive attitudes, and monitoring their spiritual growth.

3. He needs to take the lead on discipline

Once again, it’s a Biblical reality that dad has been handed the lead on discipline and training. That role becomes all the more acutely important if the kids are at home literally twice as much as they would be if they attended a government school.

If the kids know that mom has no backing, they’ll test her as often as they can to see if they can wear down her resolve. “Do I have to do this subject?” “Why can’t I go to real school like my friends?” “I hate this.” But, if they know that such behavior will be met with dad firmly having mom’s back and enacting consequences for misbehavior, the attempted mutinies will be short-lived.

However, a word of caution…

All of these things are issues of fatherhood regardless of whether the kids attend a school or learn at home, but his strength in these areas will be exposed all the more in homeschooling. And, it will test the marriage as the husband and wife work together on such a high-stakes, hands-on, 24/7 project.

Believe it or not, that can actually be a good thing. I’ve heard people say they can’t homeschool because of what it would do to their marriage or to their relationship with their kids. All that says it that there are severe underlying issues that you don’t want to handle. A lifestyle change like homeschooling just means you can’t hide from the problems.

There will be exasperated homeschool moms who read this and want to immediately forward it to their husbands with an air of “hint-hint.” If you feel he’s detached and disinterested, passive aggressively trying to get me to lecture him would just throw another log into the fire pit of resentment. There are deeper marital problems of roles and lines of communication to be handled there, and they should be handled first.

That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t homeschool until it’s all fixed. But you’ll have to realize that you’re doing this “as unto the Lord” and will have to rely on Him for strength. If your husband is going to be won over, it won’t be by nagging. It will be by your chaste, submissive, respectful behavior (1 Peter 3:1-2).

Your homework

So, to the homeschool moms, whether he’s involved the way you want him to be or not, show him your love, respect, and appreciation, and take note when he goes above and beyond. Pray for him.

If you’re a Christian homeschool dad, make sure you have your wife’s back in this journey. Tell her you appreciate her taking on this task, and actively talk to her about what she’s doing and how you’re involved. Pray for her.

To all the dads and moms on this journey, keep it up. I truly believe in the cause, and I’m glad you do, too.
“Correct your son, and he will give you comfort;
He will also delight your soul.” - Proverbs 29:17

[And, if you’re not a homeschool mom or dad but you got this far, you should think about it. It’s a serious challenge, but it’s the best way to help your kids someday teach your Christian beliefs to your grandkids—the object that should be every parent’s priority #1.]

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Notes

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