Are You Creating A Digital Double Life?

Going different directions

Recently the Christian corner of X/Twitter was abuzz with the revelation that a prominent stay-at-home-mom of 14 with over 25,000 followers was a complete fraud. The pictures she posted and stories she told were all fabricated or stolen from others. It’s not even clear if she’s married or has any kids.

While she’s not the first and certainly won’t be the last, it’s still bizarre to see how comfortable a person can become with being someone entirely different online than the person they are in real life.

But though she is an extreme case, I’m worried that it’s becoming increasingly easy to divide ourselves into an online persona and an in-person persona.

Inevitably, one will leak into the other’s world, and that’s when the trouble starts.

There are two primary ways in which I see the digital double life becoming an issue

The first is as a church member

I worry what’s starting to happen is that we have some people in the pews who are of Focus Press, some who are of GBN, some of Radically Christian, some of The Gospel Coalition, some of Canon Press, and so forth. Connecting with the online people who agree with us becomes far more appealing than connecting to the people in the pew who don’t.

Obviously I write here and am involved with all kinds of content production at Focus Press, so I generally view online resources as a potential good. And I’m not telling you to stop agreeing with me or whatever other outlets you follow just to keep the peace locally.

But it’s important to have open conversations with your local fellow Christians and find ways to fellowship within the disagreements. Being a super-based right wing Christian or a bleeding heart left wing Christian online and then covering it up when you meet the brethren in person isn’t healthy. It just leads to distant relationships and resentment.

No, you don’t have to tell everyone your belief about every last political, cultural, or religious happening. But neither has it been good for us to bottle it all up or go along with beliefs we don’t agree with just to keep the peace.

As for churches, we would do well to start developing in-house material to connect members through the week. Supplemental material for classes and sermons, homework, discussion material, etc. would give everyone things to consume that provide some common ground.

The second is as a spouse

Married couples should be aware of what each other are consuming, at least on a general level.

These days it's too easy for him to quietly drift in one direction politically or religiously thanks to his favorite blogs or YouTubers, as she goes in the other thanks to her TikToks and podcasts.

For example, a commenter recently directed my attention to a “Christian” YouTuber/podcaster woman with a large following who’s main advice to women seems to be “He doesn’t deserve you, get out of that marriage.” How many men have thought they were in a happy marriage, only to later find out that Sheila Gregoire was telling their wives to watch for the next time he forgets to take out the trash as a sign to start packing the bags?

Even if the ideas being digested are good ideas, the journey needs to be made together. Let’s say a man starts reading and listening to content that explains why his “partnership” view of marriage was wrong. This leads him to understand that he needs to take responsibility for leading his home (Ephesians 5:22-33).

That’s great… but if his wife is still under the impression that it’s going to be business as usual, they’re going to run into some problems. He didn’t change his mind overnight, and she won’t either. He needs to communicate his shift and bring her along slowly.

If we’re not open about these things with our spouses, it doesn’t take long before you're married to someone entirely different ideologically. Talk to each other about the ideas you're taking in.

Seek wisdom…

I am certain there are other applications to be made in this area, but these two came to mind as the most pressing. And while they are important to understand, we can’t make this an overcorrection to where we have to back down from our convictions to keep the peace at home or in the church.

It takes wisdom to strike a balance in these areas. Thankfully, we have a God who gives wisdom to all who ask (James 1:5), and who desires for our unity (John 17:20-23, Ephesians 4:1-3). Strive for consistency between the online you and the in person you.

---

Notes

If you’re enjoying these articles and podcasts, I hope you’ll consider becoming a supporting subscriber. If you do, you’ll get Church Reset and 3 other e-books as a thank you gift!